Wild About Harry! By Trevor Plumbly

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Some Day My Prince Will Come

Actually he’s just been and I can’t really say I’m wild about the event. He seems to be a decent enough bloke, a bit of a lad and all that, but I do get the impression that he owes his personality more to his mother rather than royal indoctrination. Judging by his schedule here, and in Australia, he’s definitely not work-shy. When it comes to NZ he’s done it all in seven days; sport, military, schools, wildlife, the pub quiz and of course the traditional cultural ceremonies. Much to his credit he’s maintained a constant grin and an air of friendliness throughout this binge of bonhomie – royal tours of course are ever thus – but I can’t help feeling that’s it’s about time we pulled the plug on some of this outdated deference.

I’m Not A Republican…But

I just wish we, and our media folk would grow beyond the way we currently treat royal visitors. It just seems so contradictory to our national psyche. We sprout our egalitarian ethic to anyone with the patience to listen, then practically drool at fairly minor royalty. The media coverage is nothing short of vomit inducing, the Prince it seemed only had to get within nose rubbing distance of a Maori female of child-bearing age and the world was flooded with photo’s of ‘Harry’s Kiwi Girlfriend’. If that wasn’t enough, half a world away a princess was born and true to form those responsible for delivering our ‘news’ immediately busted their chops trying to find a ‘Kiwi’ connection to hang a fragment of a story on. Surely as a country we’re worth a bit more than this sort fawning adulation?

Homeward Bound

Some could accuse  me of having a twisted sense of humour, but I prefer to regard it as lateral cynicism. I can’t help pondering on the palace home evening when the tourist returns? No one’s going to say ‘how was your trip?’ unless they’re up for a five-hour monologue and ‘what did you bring me?’ isn’t really royal, is it? After family dins, a little charades perhaps? I bet Charley does a mean Zombie. Then instead of the holiday snaps wheel out the ‘cringe-ometer’ this nifty little gadget measures the level of crassness by the media and ‘royal watchers’, for example the reporter that headlined ‘Harry Wows Them In Christchurch!’, would probably rate a 6, while the shrinking violet that held up a sign pleading ‘Marry me Harry!’ would at least deserve a 9. Lots of fun, none of it directed internally of course, British royalty carries a long tradition of taking oneself seriously. Despite her continued reluctance to include me in the honours list I’m not anti-royal, I just reckon it would be healthier for us and even them if we treated them as humans instead of objects of near worship.

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