Self-publish and be damned! By Emily Smart
Women with clean houses do not have finished books
According to the esteemed writer Ernest Hemingway, ‘The first draft of anything is shit.’ So, you’ll be pleased to know we (the three of us wot write our thoughts for the worldwide web to read) have produced a book which has been several (hundred) drafts in the making.
Not content with sharing our (ahem) wisdom and witticisms every week, we thought we’d produce a book together. We actually wrote this ‘tome’ several years ago. The manuscript has subsequently been languishing on Angela’s hard drive waiting for one of us to understand the complexities of Kindle Self-Publishing.
Our book, entitled ‘New Zealand – The Outsiders’ Inside Guide’, is available to download on Amazon.com for US $2.27. We didn’t want to charge a fee but Amazon wants its dollar of flesh, so I’m afraid you’ll have to cough up. Please note that all funds from the three copies we sell will be going towards buying me a pint of cider as a reward for spending 27 hours uploading the book file onto Amazon.
What’s it all about?
No, it’s not about Alfie. The book is an insight into the lives of us, three ex-pats (Ange prefers the term immigrants, but what does she know) who have upped sticks from Blighty and moved to the other side of the world. If you’re thinking about visiting New Zealand for an extended vacation or you want to get away from Donald Trump on a more permanent basis, then this guide may be useful. Although, I doubt it. It’s a bit of fluff and nonsense to read in the toilet.
In the meantime, thank you to my fellow authors, and a huge shout out to Angela who learnt how to format the book for Kindle.
What’s next?
We’d love to hear your feedback but only if it’s nice. We all enjoyed writing it and we really hope you enjoy reading it.
In the meantime, look out for our next book – ‘How to leave a country when you’ve offended half the population’ – which will no doubt be out soon.
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Hi Em,
Ok I have outlaid the dosh and bought the book. After a battle with Amazon and forgotten passwords, loading kindle etc etc I have started to read- so far so good.
I will update with my progress. Having just moved back to Oz after 22 years away I could have done with a guide book for returning ex-pats here. I have now been here a year (OMG) and am able to wear my thongs( jandal) without falling off them. Actually have 2 pairs one for day – plain black and the bejeweled ones for evening. I am getting better at shortening any word to no more than 4 syllables. I am also an asset on the trivia team for any kiwi questions.
Mate, there you are!! Thought you had been kidnapped by a bunch of Aussie seniors. Will email on your old account and get back in touch properly. In the meantime, thank you for reading the book. Including my mum, that makes two of you! xx
Read and enjoyed it. Some of you are not half bad as authors. Of course, some of you aren’t half good – you know who I mean. Looking forward to the sequel.