Self-publish and be damned! By Emily Smart

Women with clean houses do not have finished books According to the esteemed writer Ernest Hemingway, ‘The first draft of anything is shit.’ So, you’ll be pleased to know we (the three of us wot write our thoughts for the worldwide web to read) have produced a book which has been several (hundred) drafts in the making. Not content with sharing our (ahem) wisdom and witticisms every week, we thought we’d produce a book together. We actually wrote this ‘tome’ several years ago. The manuscript has subsequently been languishing on Angela’s hard… Read More

Bridget’s Love Eggs by Emily Smart

So: it was Bridget’s birthday do last Saturday night, and I was in something of a quandary when it came to buying her a present. Bridget is what one would call a lady. I met her through Posh Clare, which should already tell you everything you need to know about her. She is refined, well spoken (for a Kiwi) and can often be heard telling me ‘Emily, don’t be so vulgar.’ A beauteous creature: I don’t think I’ve ever seen her without her ‘face on’ and outrageously high and expensive shoes. Even… Read More

Death – Coming Soon (but hopefully not too soon) by Emily Smart

I’m not usually maudlin, preferring a good giggle to being morose any day of the week. However, death has been on my mind a lot lately. Not my own; I am of course immortal, just ask my doctor about my high cholesterol! It appears I am surrounded by it, and apparently I’m at ‘that age’ where people I know are popping their clogs left, right and centre. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m being flippant about death, it’s not actually a funny thing, but there’s no point in having an ostrich… Read More

Is Fat Amy A Good Role Model? By Emily Smart

The part-time agitator I’ve never been very radical. This may surprise some people. Mouthy, opinionated, never one to avoid controversy, but not radical. I have been on less than a handful of marches in my time and for all the wrong reasons. When I was a student, a gang of us went to Glasgow to protest about Tory cuts. Me and my mates went because the student union had organised £8 tickets to Glasgow for the protest and we had never been to Scotland before. It seemed like a good idea at… Read More

Willy Bags and Mondays Always Get Me Down by Emily Smart

Day 7 (insert dodgy Geordie accent) in the Glasgow-Smart household. It has been the longest week of my life – apart from whenever my mother-in-law stays. I have been ill. You’ve probably heard. As with most aspects of my life, I don’t like to keep things quiet. If I’m suffering, then everyone I know needs to suffer my suffering. So: it all started last Sunday with an innocuous pint with Trevor down the pub. Many of my tales begin with a quiet Sunday afternoon pint with Trevor and end in drunken debauchery… Read More