Bridget’s Love Eggs by Emily Smart

So: it was Bridget’s birthday do last Saturday night, and I was in something of a quandary when it came to buying her a present. Bridget is what one would call a lady. I met her through Posh Clare, which should already tell you everything you need to know about her. She is refined, well spoken (for a Kiwi) and can often be heard telling me ‘Emily, don’t be so vulgar.’ A beauteous creature: I don’t think I’ve ever seen her without her ‘face on’ and outrageously high and expensive shoes. Even… Read More

Death – Coming Soon (but hopefully not too soon) by Emily Smart

I’m not usually maudlin, preferring a good giggle to being morose any day of the week. However, death has been on my mind a lot lately. Not my own; I am of course immortal, just ask my doctor about my high cholesterol! It appears I am surrounded by it, and apparently I’m at ‘that age’ where people I know are popping their clogs left, right and centre. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m being flippant about death, it’s not actually a funny thing, but there’s no point in having an ostrich… Read More

Is Fat Amy A Good Role Model? By Emily Smart

The part-time agitator I’ve never been very radical. This may surprise some people. Mouthy, opinionated, never one to avoid controversy, but not radical. I have been on less than a handful of marches in my time and for all the wrong reasons. When I was a student, a gang of us went to Glasgow to protest about Tory cuts. Me and my mates went because the student union had organised £8 tickets to Glasgow for the protest and we had never been to Scotland before. It seemed like a good idea at… Read More

Willy Bags and Mondays Always Get Me Down by Emily Smart

Day 7 (insert dodgy Geordie accent) in the Glasgow-Smart household. It has been the longest week of my life – apart from whenever my mother-in-law stays. I have been ill. You’ve probably heard. As with most aspects of my life, I don’t like to keep things quiet. If I’m suffering, then everyone I know needs to suffer my suffering. So: it all started last Sunday with an innocuous pint with Trevor down the pub. Many of my tales begin with a quiet Sunday afternoon pint with Trevor and end in drunken debauchery… Read More

Unaccustomed as I am… by Emily Smart

And a jolly good afternoon from New Zealand. Did you really think you could get away with getting married and me not making a grand entrance? You all know I love a warm hand on my entrance. Tom, dear brother, trusted friend and brilliant plumber – yeah, I might be exaggerating on the last two – I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish you and Sophie all the very best on your wedding day. I would have been there in person had Dad coughed up the six grand fare to… Read More