I am reviewing the situation by Emily Smart

Random Oliver! review Actually, I’m reviewing my recent visit to the UK, but I happened to be watching the film Oliver exclamation mark yesterday afternoon, so hence the title.  The mother-in-law bought the DVD recently for the kids. For some reason I know all the songs in Oliver! I spent my day off ‘Oompah pah –ing’ and ‘As long as he needs me – ing’ whilst the kids were glued to the box. I couldn’t think for the life of me why I knew all the words, and then I remembered: Oliver! was… Read More

Sorry for being a twat by Emily Smart

Sometimes, my absolute twattery makes me laugh out loud for several minutes. When I later think back to whatever the stupid thing was that I said or did, I laugh all over again. This is either a sign of madness or total acceptance that being a pillock comes quite naturally to me. I just had such a moment. I did a screen print of a web page for a work colleague and, as I was pressing send, I noticed that the Google search box in the corner stated very loudly, “Do you… Read More

Another Day at the Office by Emily Smart

After eight years of procreating, wiping children’s bottoms and working from home, I am finally back in an office. With grown-up people. Who have a life outside of kids. Who talk about what they watched on TV last night and say things like, ‘I’m going to get a coffee, do you want to come for a walk to get one?’ I know, I know, not the most radical thing in the world for all you people who go to the office day-in day-out, but for me it’s been something of a revelation…. Read More

My kingdom for a moral compass or Will I ever stop being naughty? By Emily Smart

Crime and punishment My six year old son Rudy came home last night with a letter he had written at school that I had to sign. I didn’t know what he was talking about until he broke (it didn’t take much persuasion), confessing that he had been naughty in class and his teacher had made him write a letter as his punishment. I read the letter, the gist of which was that he had put pen on his friend Roman’s ‘teeshert’ and that he was sorry. The letter ended with, ‘Roman can… Read More

Jimmy Carr is a Tosser by Emily Smart

Smug I was watching Grand Designs the other night. It’s one of my ‘can’t resist’ programmes, along with Location x3. These shows remind me of Blighty, and I feel like the presenters, Kirstie, Phil and Kevin, are old mates. If they ever did come to New Zealand, I wouldn’t hesitate to invite them over for dinner and a few bottles of vino. Unlike Jimmy Carr. I happened to see him in a Japanese restaurant over the summer holidays. I looked at him, he looked at me; I smiled and he shot back… Read More