Broken English by Trevor Plumbly

Bad language I notice that newsreaders, once lauded for their command of the English language, are becoming increasingly fond of sloppy Americanisms and tabloid phrasing, to the extent that deee!fence, oh!ffence and other bastardisations are creeping into common usage. When I question this, I am informed by those anxious to gallop past the more demanding aspects of the English language, that this is the ‘modern way’ and thus, ‘evolving’. It also means, according to those same champions of tortured terminology, that I am something of a dinosaur. I’m not ‘well-schooled’ in the… Read More

An eating disorder by Trevor Plumbly

Food for thought An increase in mishaps involving stained clothing along with the newly proven fallacy that ‘I can manage!’ has forced me to accept that a change of diet will be needed if I want to continue to eat in public. It’s not the quality of the food or the presentation; it’s the mechanics of the thing. The stuff’s perfectly OK left on the plate, but when I try to eat it, it seems reluctant to accept its final destination, preferring instead my shirtfront, lap or the table-top. Being blind, I’m… Read More

Good sports by Trevor Plumbly

My contribution to the world of sport is minimal to say the least. As a result of family circumstances, I was neither watched nor encouraged to play team sports. Painfully thin, I learned early in life that physical well-being was preferable to the risks posed by playing school sports. These days however, I live in a country where a sprained All-Black thumb can send a decent percentage of the population into stress mode. Even my grandsons have been peer-pressured into joining these educationally approved forms of ritual abuse. Most thinking adults struggle… Read More

From Batman to boobs by Trevor Plumbly

At 76 it’s a bit late to be concerning myself with the perils of puberty, but God’s idea of a teenage joke has re-entered my life courtesy of my grandson. With the exception of Harry Potter and a slew of genitally dead fictional heroes, most boys are forced to endure this biological torture. The majority allow the abrasive effect of maturity to clear the psychological muck away before it causes any lasting damage. Others, like Donald Trump, clearly illustrate that, if unchecked, its debilitating effect on behaviour patterns can last for years…. Read More

In hospital again by Trevor Plumbly

Important disclaimer Any resemblance in the following comments to anyone living, dead, or en route in either direction, is purely a matter for their own estimation. Many are called… Yep I’m back! As a result of a nasty fall, various bits of me have decided to freeze up, requiring the attention of a neurologist. Thus here I am flat on my arse, being poked, pulled and prodded by Doc One, a brusquely efficient, but otherwise charming woman, who vaguely reminded me of an absent-minded Miss Jean Brodie. After whacking me a few… Read More